Then Came the Forgetting

The chapel is quiet this morning.

Or perhaps it is evening.

I can no longer tell.

I sit alone beside the tall window, my hands folded gently in my lap, my old fingers resting one upon the other as they have done so many times before. Beyond the glass, the world is softened by rain, but inside, a strange golden light has begun to pour across the floor.

It is hazy and warm.

Almost like sunlight.

I stare into it.

I have always believed that light meant something.

When I was young, I believed it was God's way of reminding us that darkness is never the end. I believed there was always a door somewhere, always a path back, always a chance for forgiveness.

I wonder if I still believe that.

I wonder what I have forgotten.

We shared many memories in celebration of life.

I remember that much.

There were birthdays and weddings, Christmas mornings and quiet afternoons. There were people I loved, people who loved me, voices that once filled rooms that now seem impossibly distant.

I carried those memories with me for years.

In my private moments, I would think about our time together—about the lives we touched, the mistakes we made, the kindness we offered, the words we wished we had said.

Then came the forgetting.

At first, it was only little things.

A name.

A face.

A place.

Then entire days began disappearing.

The past became fragmented, scattered like pages from a book left out in the wind.

And then the present began to disappear too.

Now I sit here, watching this golden light, and I cannot remember what I was doing before I came to the window.

I cannot remember what day it is.

I cannot remember whether someone visited me yesterday or years ago.

There is no future to record anymore.

Tomorrow is forgotten before it happens.

I sit now, oblivious...

without time,

and with nothing to share.

Yet the light remains.

It touches my hands.

It rests upon the old folds of my habit.

For a moment, I feel something stir inside me.

Not a memory.

Something deeper.

Something that does not need a name.

Perhaps this is what remains when memory is gone.

Not the stories.

Not the dates.

Not the faces.

But the feeling of having loved.

The feeling of having been forgiven.

The quiet knowledge that a life does not become meaningless simply because it can no longer be remembered.

I close my eyes.

The golden light grows brighter behind my eyelids.

And somewhere in that warmth, I imagine I hear a voice.

Not telling me who I am.

Not asking me what I remember.

Only saying,

"You are still here."

I breathe slowly.

The rain continues against the window.

And for the first time in a very long while, I do not try to remember yesterday.

I do not worry about tomorrow.

I simply sit in the light.

And perhaps, after a lifetime of searching, that is enough.

Perhaps redemption is not something we remember.

Perhaps it is simply the light that remains when everything else has been forgotten.